In this hyper-sensitive, PC world in which we live it sometimes seems like the guys with the best intentions get in the biggest trouble.
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to buy your lady a gift? Felt your blood pressure skyrocket as you pondered her approaching birthday, your anniversary or Christmas? Suffered a case of road rage navigating your way around Amazon?
After all, even chocolates and flowers eventually fall short. You’ve got to prove you really care. But you can’t afford diamonds or pearls this year. So what do you do?
Consider a simple kitchen apron. They can be very cute. Get her the right one and you could score big points. Or she might say:
“So this means you want me to keep doing all the cooking?” Or -
“Oh, I’ll look great in this washing the dishes.” Or, even better
“You really want me to cover it up, don’t you?”
Woops. Backfired again.
But dude, don’t give up so easily! Trust in your originality. You just need to focus on the delivery.
First of all, when she unwraps and examines it, don’t just sit there watching her search for the price tag. Don’t let the dark thoughts take hold.
Ask her to stand up - say please. Take the apron from her, gently, and put it on her yourself. Yep, that’s right - with your own two hands. If you don’t know how, learn how. It’s not brain surgery.
Now step behind her. Loop it over her head, pockets forward. If it’s got a string belt, cross the ends and bring them around front. Tie them in a nice bow over her tummy, not too tight.
You’re scoring points, schoolboy, but you’re not done yet.
Tell her its 100% cotton. Say you remember how she’s always getting grease on her blouse from that dirty stovetop. Bring her into the kitchen, and show her how you’ve cleaned and polished that stovetop. Slip your hands into her apron pockets. Deftly remove the note, reading aloud: “Birthday pass - no more washing dishes for one week!” Spin her around, and tell her how fantastic she looks.
You know what to do next.
And remember; chocolates are sweet, roses smell lovely; pearls and diamonds are always in season. But aprons – aprons are sexy. Especially when you can find the pockets, and tie that loop.